Hi, my name is Peet and I’m a beer snob.
It happened when I moved to Wellington and the legendary drink snob Kim insisted that start drinking some of the fine craft beers. Then there was that incident with the 8 Wired iStout (Russian Imperial Stout for those playing at home) followed by Beervana and now, I’m afraid, there’s no going back.
Like many Wellingtonians, I enjoy irritating people from Nelson and Marlborough by referring to our town as ‘the craft beer capital of New Zealand’ but I look forward to sampling what the rest of the country has on offer if I find myself on the road. Even if it is just to trash the local brew.
It seemed like a good idea at the time. As long as I’m drinking different beers I may as well tell people what I think of them, ideally from a safe distance. And as long as I’m amateurishly and unreliably reviewing whatever beers I can find, I may as well talk amateurishly and unreliably about other stuff as well. Since the beer and food matching caper is being taken care of by people who actually know what they’re doing, I thought why not try match different beers with an appropriate soundtrack of some sort? Music is another of my areas of enthusiastic inexpertise, and I reckon I can’t do a worse job than, say, whoever is putting together The World’s Best Beer Drinking Songs for Slackjaws and Assorted Bogans volume 387 or whatever they’re up to. So here we are.
At the end of the review each beer gets a mark out of a hundred made up from a possible fifteen each for appearance and mouthfeel; twenty each for aroma, flavour, and value; and bonus points worth up to plus or minus ten for anything from novelty, rarity, prestige, boldness, effort or whatever I decide is worthwhile or not. Marks are as final as I say so and I reserve the right to change the weighting of any or all factors without notice or fairness as I see fit. I’m a tough marker, and if I find anything worth a ninety or more that isn’t served in the finest crystal by a crew of naked valkyries then it’ll be a good year. Fifty is passable, but I wouldn’t recommend anything less than about twenty without ready access to a stomach pump and maybe a priest.
You can probably skip this but in case anyone feels like grabbing their pitchforks and torches just so we’re clear:
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